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So much of my mind right now is consumed with “what if?” I have said it more often lately than probably in my entire life. It’s a season of change from winter to spring and what we may have thought was dead was just hanging out underground...waiting.

When we first moved here about ten years ago there were these two amazing willow trees in our backyard. This was our second home but definitely the home we would settle down in for decades to come. Septic systems and automatic sprinklers were new to us. We had no idea that these gorgeous trees that someone else planted would wreck havoc underground and we’d have to clean up the mess. One tree split in half during a storm. The other tree was removed because it caught a virus and died. Roots strangling sprinklers then our septic system failed. I don’t know if that was related to the trees. Nevertheless, our backyard has seen some things. We spent last summer, and fall looking at this dirt pile because we needed to wait for spring to plant new grass and build something new.

A million things probably could’ve happened to make the situation worse. But never once did I think “what if” they install the system wrong? What if the tree roots permanently damaged the foundation and there’s an even bigger problem we haven’t seen yet? What if? What if? What if?

But now, that I along with many others i know are approaching changes with choices, I’m asking not only “What if?” But “What if (insert something bad here.)

I’m not stressing over the unknown. I’m stressing over the fear of the unknown. What do you do when fear is your go to?

I don’t have the answer. I know that if we want to get better at something we have to practice. Perhaps I’ve been practicing being afraid a little too much. I’ve been saying “What if this doesn’t work?” instead of “What if this turns out to be amazing?” I easily preach to my daughter who plays basketball not to worry about the size of her opponent but to have confidence in herself and her team. To not think about what if she loses, but to think how she’ll celebrate if she wins. And maybe, just maybe, practice leaving the “What if” out altogether.

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